COM 101

I realized the other day why I quit college 20 years ago....... Composition 101.

I HATE RHETORIC!

There, I've said it. I absolutely hate it. I enjoy writing and having readers see and feel what I'm trying to express, but I hate having my work critiqued. I hate having to follow precise instructions. I hate writing assignments. I will not let this get me! I will make this class my bitch!

New Year, Lots of Changes

Well, it's 2017 and 2016 can suck my ass!

A lot of shit hit the fan last year. My bio-dad passed away due to complications with his colostomy. Basically that means, he didn't take care of himself, perforated his bowel, and died of septicemia. Joy. Did I mention that he died 6 days before my birthday? Happy Fucking Birthday to me. My best friend's father-in-law passed away in early November. Even more Joy! But, I've decided I'm going to make 2017 my bitch and I'm going back to school. I filed my FAFSA and scheduled my placement test a Moraine Valley. I have to get my pre-reqs/gen-ed stuff done and I might as well do it for as little cash as possible because I plan on transferring to UIC to do what I started 20 years ago and become a nurse (finally). Wish me luck.

Spider bites and crunchy gym socks

WTF?!

I know right?  What do spider bites have to do with crunchy gym socks, or how does one lead to the other?

This is how.

Chris and I are sitting at the kitchen table tonight after sending things 2 & 3 to bed.  We were eating a very late dinner-ish meal because The Boy had a performance tonight for Merit.  I had just told The Boy to go to bed and he informed me that he must be sharing his bed with a spider because he had a few bites.  So he showed me one on his arm and then one on his shin.  I looked at the one on his shin and told him it wasn't a spider bite but an ingrown hair.  He saw a patch of red bumps on my wrist and asked what that was from.  I told him it's from the dog slobber from playing with Ru a few minutes before.  He lifted his shirt and said something about a rash he'd had a few summers ago that was on his chest.  Being the nosey mom that I am, I asked if he had any hair on his chest yet.  He said no but kind of pointed to his pits.

Me-M   The Boy-TB   Chris- C

M: "Oh, great now you have fuzzy pits."
All: Laughter.
M:"Do I need to start washing your sheets more?"
TB: "Once a week would be good"
M: "EW!  who wants to sleep on crunchy sheets?"
All: more laughter.
TB: Uncomfortable.
C: Do you need an adult?
M: "I guess it's time to tell you the house rules on masturbation.  If you feel the need to do so, only do it if you're alone or your brothers are asleep.  Use an old gym sock."
C: Don't use on old gym sock, especially a used one.
TB: Help!
C: Athlete's foot.  They don't call it jock itch for fun.
M: I need a grown up!  Help!
More laughter
C: use an old shirt, use something we don't want the ceiling spackled.
M & TB: HELP! GROWN UP!!
M: Let me know which shirt you're using, I don't want to put it back into wearing circulation, cum stains.
C: You gotta clean that shit up, jizz streaks.
M:  I will never own a black light!
C: Look! Someone was playing with liquid Tide.

The Boy is 12.  He'll be 13 in August.  He's noticing girls and they've been noticing him.  He's an amazing kid.  I gotta say, I liked it when they were little and I could put them down and they would stay put.  Toddlers were fun but exhausting.  Grammar school age is fun.  I like seeing the light bulbs above their heads turn on every few hours when they get something new.

I'm really liking 12.  He's moody, snarky, withdrawn, obstinate, defiant, funny, courteous, loving, insightful, observant, polite, helpful, and passionate.  Best of all, he's mine.

Sleeping with the Elephant man

For those of you that the don't know, Chris got a C PAP machine in December of 2012. He used it when he first got it but like any new toy he got bored with it and stopped using it.   About a week or so ago he started using it again. 

It's disturbing. He's got a trunk just like an elephant. It sounds pretty much like a white noise machine until he starts to breathe. And God forbid if he starts to snore. 

How to explain the sound? This is what I want you to do, pinch your nose shut with your index finger and thumb.  Now open your mouth and try to snore.   Add a constant hissing sound and you've come close.  

So last night he fell asleep before I did.   I listened to that God awful sound for about an hour before I feel asleep with my pillow over my head.   Around 3:30 I woke up from a dead sleep to hear the sound I described only worse because he was laying on his back.  To make it worse, the condensation in the tubing was making a loud gurgling sound every time he inhaled or exhaled.   I nudged him.  I shoved him.  I kicked at him.  Hell, I even snapped the straps on his face that hold the mask in place.  Nothing.  He finally stopped.   I turned over, facing his side of the bed, got comfortable, and started to drift off.  

Then, he rolled on to his side.  Facing me.   And not only did the snoring resume, but this time I could hear the snoring, I could feel the snoring, and I could smell the snoring.   Apparently there is a small hole at the end of the mask, so when he rolled over this hole was aimed right at my face and with his mouth open the sink breath was just riding the waves of air from the mask. 

I rolled over again and fell asleep wondering when Monster was going to be joining me for his usual "Mommy I had a really bad dream" snuggle.   Luckily the next thing to wake me was the alarm clock. 

promised pictures

Okay, I know its been awhile, but here are the long awaited pictures of the kitchen renovation. We started at the end of April beginning of May, it is now July 9th, and my kitchen still isn't finished. Now I can't say that it's f due to a lack of us working the problem is we are still working our day jobs. The friend that is helping with the electrical kept getting sent to Michigan. The friend that loaned us the tools and help at the beginning has seemed to disappear into thin air. So we're going at this alone but the good news is we've got walls framed electric lines run, plumbing lines run, gas line moved, a window covered and one of the sheets of drywall up on the ceiling.

So here are some pictures.

These are all the same wall. 

Part of the kitchen renovation was to tear down the shaky porch of doom.   Well that meant getting rid of the stairs that Joe helped build all those years ago with Chris.   But Bear got to help build the new ones.   And what's a project (or blog post) without a good Bearism?  So Chris is trying to attach the post to the bottom stair and has Bear holding it steady.   It's wobbling all over the place so Chris says "Bear, you have to hold this still! Stop moving!"  "Daddy, I'm trying,  but the earth is spinning and constantly moving in orbit around the sun."  We love Bear! 

Old stairs

In knitting news I've been busy!   So far this year I've finished a 6 foot shawl, 2 pairs of socks,  a sweater for Chris, a sweater for Monster,  a shawl for myself, a baby sweater, and a cowl for a friend.   

Feeling Better

First of all, I would like to thank all of you that read my blog and listen to me complain.

Second, I'm sure you're all dying to know what I did last night. Did I say screw dinner and knit for an hour. Did I the chocolate covered pomegranate and knit. Or did I say screw knitting and eat.

And the winner was..........

I did both.   I warmed up the ramen, watched the Big Bang theory, and knit one row.

So, today I'm making up for yesterday.

I've had 2 cups of coffee from the new Keurig.  I'm sitting on the couch in my quiet house, watching Mr. Selfridge, and you guessed it, knitting.   There are 2 very full baskets of laundry that need to be folded.   It will happen.  And hubby needs work clothes washed.  That too, will happen.  But for the next hour, I'm going to enjoy the peace and quiet I didn't get yesterday.

Tata!

Mother's Day, Schmother's Day.

There's to much shit going on in my house to even call this mother's day.   All my mom friends on Facebook are going on about all the great things they did today or had done for them.   I was up and out of bed before 8:00 to take the dog out (Ed took him out before me, but put him back in the kennel, so he was whining and baking to get out).  Why was I, Mom, woman for whom this day Hallmark created, up before 8 a.m.? Because darling husband has yet another sinus infection.  He's had it for 7 days.  Yes an entire week and he finally decides today that he should call the doctor tomorrow.

Now, I can't make this entire post a bitchy poor me pitty post.  There's been tons going on around here.   We've torn of the shaky porch of doom,  gotten a dog, and demolished our kitchen to cinder block and studs.  I don't even want to get into how sucky pulling up 12 gazillion layers of floor is.  Cabinets have been ordered and will arrive on Tuesday.   Appliances will arrive on Thursday as will the durock, drywall, floor tile, and back splash tile.

 Back to bitching.  Up before 8:00 a.m.  Got fantastic gifts, still haven't had any coffee yet. Went tile shopping (at my request, a request I almost regret) with the aforementioned darling husband, who is now being pathetic on the couch next to me instead of in bed where I told him to go an hour ago.  I have yet to eat dinner.  I haven't knit a stitch all day and I need to walk the dog in 45 minutes so I can get to bed before 1 a.m. for the first time in 3 days.   Do I: a) say I have enough leftover baby weight that I can afford to skip dinner tonight and knit. b) heat up the ridiculously yummy leftover authentic ramen I had for dinner last night and actually have a mother's day in the books without me knitting.  or c) finish the bag of dark chocolate covered pomegranate that hubby gave me and try to knit.

 Stay tuned.   I'll post kitchen pictures and  the answer to my "to knit or not to knit" quandary tomorrow.